She Didn't Say No

She didn't say no.  Who does that? What friend says sure let me get to know your boyfriend so I can take him from you. Lol

I Wonder Why Would He Stay Interested In Me?

I wonder why would he stay interested in me after everything I told him.  I remember being so nervous and just looking at him - telling him - thinking he is going to think I am crazy - who would not?  I think I am crazy at times.  I knew he had heard this before - I could feel it.  On our first date I could feel how he did not want to give me the "little gift".  He was not happy and when he handed it to me I held it, looked at it, it took everything in me not to look at him and say we could have been best of friends.  I knew he dreaded having to give me that and he still did.  He did not have a choice.  He signed up for this. It's not fair because I did not sign up for this and yet here I am in the middle of this whirlwind again.  All I can do is be honest.  I was honest and I wanted him to tell me truth in return and he did not - so I tread carefully.  I was also honest when I told him he is in love with the idea of me that does not mean he is in love with him.  He might care of love me as an individual but he is not in love with me.  He is running out of scripts and then what?  What is he going to do then?

I'm exhausted and have a lot of work to do and I am growing bored with this issue and to make it interesting - I just sent my friend a text message:  we will call her Apple.

Me - Oye, I keep having dreams that you and boyfriend get married. lol You should meet him."

Apple - Omg.  What on earth?!!! 

Me - Yeah - you both seem really happy.

Apple - That's  weird.  When a person dreams of marriage it usually means a death!

Me - When I dream of a marriage it means a marriage.

Apple - I don't know it can mean a distant relative or known person.  Ok.  Well I was very happy and peaceful.  Maybe you're picking up on our energy.  He seems like a good person.  I think Mercury is in retrograde.  Maybe that's it?

Me - Okay tomorrow in the morning we are going to have a group chat - giggles you in?  He don't have to know what I told you... yet. Giggles

Apple - Lol,  Girlie you are too funny!!  BTW - I work from 8am - 5pm tomorrow so....

Me -Don't worry it is not going to be like an intense chat, lol, just a casual hello to start to get you both talking ha- ha

Apple - ha

They say "Keep friends close and your enemies closer".

They say keep friends close and your enemies closer.  Something like that.  I don't have very many friends.  True friends that is.  I have people that come to me when they need me.  Is that what a friend is?  Maybe somewhere along the line I misunderstood the meaning of friendship.  I think if I stop and think for a minute I can convince myself that I have some friends somewhere.  

I want a destiny that is not familiar to me.  I want calmness, peace, love, and joy.  I have to keep trying and I might stumble, fall, and freeze - but I will keep going and trying.  

In spite of it all I am so grateful to be here typing.  My "boyfriend" - he is going to do what he is going to do.  I thought I could win him over and still hope to do so.  You see his scripts are running out and then what?  Plus while I got him tied up thinking we are okay they cannot infiltrate my life with another enemy.  Keep your enemies closer - well geez - I look around and I don't have any friends close - all I got is enemies.  What is a girl to do?  We could have been really good friends and I say what I mean.  So what if I can let my enemy know me.  Really know me and by the grace of God what if he were to really become my friend?  Like I said - I have no friends close to me so why not try to make an enemy my friend.  How?  Well here is my plan.  I am going to be me - that is all I got.  Pretty simple.  I know me, I trust me, and I am just going to be me.  It will either work or it will not.  I will keep you posted.  I hope.  Hope you are having a great day.